Even though I’ve been here about a year and a half now, I still feel like I’m new. I feel like I somehow know everyone, and yet don’t know that many people. So, I thought it would be a good start to introduce myself.
Hi. I’m Lauren Drysdale-Rumrill. I’ve split my life between California and the Philippines, traveling back and forth throughout my life, so much so, that I realized I have spent almost exactly 9 years of it in each place. That might be why, as I’m worrying about heading off to college, I don’t quite feel pulled to go or stay in either one.
As I grew up traveling back and forth, I found that I was somehow a foreigner to both. I wasn’t born in the Philippines so I couldn't be Filipino, but I had no identity as an American either. Growing up at an international school meant I got to see thousands of people and experience their unique cultural traditions, but I could never truly be a part of them. Ever since then, language has been special to me. Something to admire, explore, and develop. I wanted to learn the words I was hearing, so that I could connect and fit in, through a skill that no one could take away, my own voice. So I took to classrooms, family gatherings, and the internet to pursue my language interests. I needed to understand the sounds, as it was a connecting bridge between me –a foreigner everywhere I went– and the people I met. If I could understand and speak their language, surely I was no longer foreign. So I took up Chinese, Spanish, Tagalog, Dutch, and Japanese, trying to pull these beautiful sounds into myself, so that when I spoke, you could see that I had a home in several countries of which I just couldn’t choose from. So just like the words I so admired for their origins, I wanted the words I spoke to hold my origin –where I come from– and where I’ve been.
Currently, the word that most embodies my own origin is the verb to understand. It comes from the Old English understandan, which roughly translates to “between/among” and “to stand”. I have always wanted to stand among people, as one of them, because I understand myself best through the connections I share with others. There are so many people in the world, 8 billion now, that I will forever want to meet, speak their language, and experience their culture.
Having an international perspective allows me to understand more people, and so, I’m realizing that I don’t have to choose a favorite between the Philippines and America, I can make my own community, among people from all over the world. To understand them and their language alongside exploring my own. As I am no longer scared of being ‘foreign’, instead I’m finding a home in the constant chaos of not fitting in. Considering it has given me such amazing opportunities to grow, I kinda appreciate it.
So I guess what I’m trying to leave with is: don’t worry about fitting in. You are not one of those kids toy puzzles where the shape only fits one way. You have your own language. Give others a chance to learn it, and don’t be afraid to build your own community when the ones around you just don’t feel right.
Shout Outs!
As I was listing these out, I realized that even though my whole speech is about not fitting in, I’ve really found a community here at RHP, and there are so many people I want to list, so I’ll keep it short.
Thank you to :
- Haru, Sophie, Lulu, Amy — thank you for being my core <3 I get so giddy and happy whenever we just sit and talk. Though Our conversations somehow bring me both comfort and confusion. I love you so much, you guys keep me going.
- Maria, Cait, — thank you for inviting me to the club that started it all. I’m honestly inspired by u guys, and I question everyday how you always manage to make me smile
- Camryn, Nikki, Sydney, Olivia, and Dezby — your support is crazy, I can’t believe I found a community here, especially one with such a ‘ silly goofy mood’.
- To all the teams I’ve taken part of here. Thanks for making sports special again.
- To all the teachers who have coached me through curriculum transitions and more, thank you for reaching out when I was drowning.
- Corinne, Erin, Sam - I don’t know If this is gonna reach you, and I don’t even know if I want it to, but I thought I should shout you out just because. I love you guys and miss you so much. Thanks for sticking with me (even though you’re thousands of miles away)
- Aaron — seeing you grow has been an experience to say the least. You are so creative and clever, i wish those genes had rubbed off on me Just a little bit more. Please keep recommending me shows to watch, even though we both know I’ll forget about it in 2 days. (Sorry)
- Dad — thank you for the tips and tricks you drop when driving, for the late night movie-picking debates, and for all the stories. Your dad jokes reign supreme.
- Mom — thank you for tolerating me all these years, I know it’s been hard. Even though I complain, you are the best mom I could ever ask for. Thank you for pushing me outside of my box, and seeing the best in me, even when I can’t. I love you.