The perception of time is a funny thing to me. I’m stuck in a constant state of limbo between thinking about my past and thinking about my future, but I am rarely in the present. I’m stuck in my mind, and I’m stuck with my thoughts, between saying too much and saying too little. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this. I’d like to think there was a time when I was not observing this internal battle, but I can’t really remember there being such a time. Sometimes, I feel as though I am trapped in a cinema, watching a movie that only I can see. I do not know the character's role; is he the protagonist, is he the antagonist, or is he just a side character? Is it a psychological thriller or a comedy? Is time going too slowly or too quickly? Is it the past, present or the future? I’m curious, but, simultaneously, I am somewhat scared about where this movie will go and what my outcome will be.
Sometimes my life feels like a film with too many subtitles that interfere with the story. The subtitles seem to be either too far ahead or too far behind the story. I need to line them up, my thoughts and the subtitles; I need to be fully present in the moment. If I can freeze the frame of my movie and read each subtitle, hopefully I can realign my story. Although it is difficult to get the subtitles to match up, I strive for a time when my words and thoughts actually reflect the current moment, so that I can enjoy the movie for what it is.
Before I do my shoutouts I want to leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius. “Reflect on how many separate events, both bodily and mental, are taking place in each one of us in the same tiny fragment of time: and then you will not be surprised if many more events, indeed all that comes to pass, subsist together in the one and the whole, which we call the Universe.”