I keep questioning myself: Why did I come to America? Why travel thousands of miles away, being separated from my family and friends? I could have spent my past three years at home, doing things I used to do. Life became so different after I stepped onto this new continent. As an international student, there are so many things I needed to change, so many efforts I needed to make, to adjust myself to this new environment. I get frustrated and helpless. I question myself: Why did I come to America?
Every time when I get lost, I question my purpose of doing what I’m doing. There are countless times that I question myself, “Why do I do this? Why do I do that?” Sometimes I can give an answer but sometimes I can’t. But at least I know it’s wise to remind myself, thinking, “Why am I doing this?”
I need a purpose in life, in everything I’m doing in every single moment. I know a pointless action is a waste of time and effort.
But the question “Why study abroad?” has been surrounding me for years. I can’t give a proper answer to it, but every time I’m lost, it comes up to in my mind. Sometimes I know the answer, but I can dispute it later on. Many times I convinced myself, I have come here to study. Yes, this should be the best, most reasonable answer, but I understand it will never be the best-- I could’ve stayed in my home country, studied there. There was no need to leave. Sometimes I tell myself I’m here to try to adjust myself to a different environment. But why do I need this? It has been an unsolvable question for years. But at least it’s worth asking, to make sure I’m not wasting my life.
I’m not upset because of not knowing what I’m doing right now. Instead, I feel happy for myself. I keep questioning and answering my purpose in life. Everyone needs a purpose in life. No matter if I am successful or not, I should know I’m doing something, I’m not wasting my life. It’s not a catastrophe if I don’t know my purpose, but I have to be aware that I need to keep questioning myself, “Why am I doing this?” and know what all my efforts are used for. It’s a self-reflection of life, that no one can or should avoid.
I’m proud that I keep this as a habit, always keep it in mind.
Don’t expect life to be perfect. Instead, life is full of obstacles. I may be trapped by problems, and get lost in my future life temporarily, which most people will experience. I may face some hard decisions of life, or stop my progress because of my success. Let these challenges only be temporary, and let me be be a master to solve them. Whenever these types of issues occur, I know what I should do. It’s all about questioning myself, “Why am I doing this?” and reminding myself not to get lost.
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