Xavier Higholt

My innocence was wiped quick

With society I was caught in the drift

I tried to find myself but was lost in the mist

I’m tired of everybody just seeing me for my money

You get one look and think that i’m a rich nothin

Always tried to get someone to look back

And to see more than just my material stacks

Because if you looked back and saw the real me

You would see the real pain that I be feeling

Huddled up in the corner depression got me folding over

All this hurt that I shoulder but my time is coming closer

I knew before the closure that it was time to move forward

And for all the people that told me that I couldn’t over the time that I got older

Because At the age of 6
I was too young to see the tricks
At the age of 8
Reality was kicked straight
The death brought hate
All I saw was my fathers haunted face
As I tried to escape
couple more years of getting lied to
Arguments with my mom bringing back past issues
Got me feeling misused

learning  what my father really been through
Felt lost without a path to choose
Living my life tryna keep my values
I vow to you
being rich got its problems you aint in my shoes
Was taught not to lose

And that’s when life was screwed
At the age of 12 that’s when life turned to hell
As I revealed the truth

father be a druggie and his death be the proof
As I sat my first drink in hand

trying to forget but understanding in the morning who I am
Nobody to talk to

never really stayed long
Like a one hit song

there for a sec then was gone
At the age of 15

on my 5th highschool already
But I be grinding steady

even though the pressure got me feeling heavy
Old habits got me sent away again

No control over emotions

self prescribing keep me going
But then life began to fade

as I continued to run away  
Never feared the stakes

as long as I made it through the day

Seen to much for my age

Not caring cause Im getting paid

want a girl to soothe me, voice like Michel’le

Always will survive the pain

cause with life comes struggle and through the trouble

people wanna burst your bubble

Uncomfortable I can’t trust no more

If nobody is there

what is family for

Life was made out to me as one big chore

All your sins were counted, yea go check that score

I’ve been hiding all this time

only love I couldn’t find was mine

Too blind, because drugs were my disguise

Didn’t realize till I almost died

I could never describe, the change of movement

I felt like I was zooming

I swear to God that I’ll show some improvement

That’s where rapping kicked in, and I showed my true colors

What better way to show pain and overcoming it to others

This is my only chance to turn wrong to right

I’ve been an alien but it’s my time tonight

For my mom my pride true

And all the things we’ve been through

But I would miss you

If you were gone and I couldn’t see you

Struggle with the pain when I’m mixed with gang

Living life with a bang never thought about change

But I brought trouble and I saw how much you struggled and I knew my life would tumble throwing hands for the rumble

For my dad my pride true

Never knew you into drugs

Even though all I show is love

Thought you left like a hit and run

While you blowin funds I strived for that number 1

Wish I could have known your pain

for more than your name

I get it I know it’s strange

even at this age

But I wanted to get know you

You should have never let the product control you

Cause now I’m sitting all alone

While my heart turns to stone

As I remember you forgot your own

within the seeds grown that the hatred was sewn

For my brother my pride true

Yea I know what I did

And I’m sorry for not being the bigger kid

But you will always be my boy even if you is a snitch

And I’d give my life for you

Despite it all I stay around for you

I’m not a role model and I can try to make it up to you

So I’m changing now to show you that my love is real you

The tears they fell,  am I alive

The tears feel real they burn my eyes

The truest pain of feeling you have nothing to gain

It leaves you feeling strange feeling like I’m insane

Is this me or a copy of a persona get off me

Getting bands no hypocrativeness

Waiting patient for my escapement

Hop in the spaceship we stay dangerous

Love making music and nobody goin change that

Don’t got time for phonies no messing with them fake acts

Ive been in two worlds and

Being able to see both sides got me hoping

Trying to repeat what I said but I know that’s its hopeless

That even with all the flowin it’s so hard to not be chokin

Cause I’m Walking alone without a father
but Now I’m walking in his shadow without a bother
I didn’t ponder I never would have wondered how the people in my life
use me for my dollars watch me pop collars and how the lady’s holler all the while my superiors tryna act like they scholars
but I don’t care if they hate me they can’t replace me I’m tired of wasting time on people that wanna fade me

And I’m still wishing for my place

My reality always seems to strange

Can I run in life can I really do this race

Feeling like I chase and pace looking back at my past mistakes ( this is a great description of youth)

Never should of hesitated never should have waited

Should of done what’s on my mind then I would have already have made it

But now I’m playing off my senses

never mentioned or questioned

Just guessing that I already found my profession and that’s rap.